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BODY

The first picture was taken a year ago. My body had started reacting to building air quality (CIRS), and that triggered several major life changes that people were very rude about (definitely Smashers 🙄). I had daily terrifying symptoms from CIRS. I was severely depressed and at this point had lost 15lbs in two weeks. My muscles were shockingly atrophied and I remember thinking my arms were going to fall off while holding the vegetables.

A common thing people have said to me during my illness years is, “Well, you look great!” I think it’s maybe a reactionary phrase people use when they are confronted with an illness they can’t see clear indicators of and they want to add some positive encouragement but have no clue what else to say. (I think it’s also an indicator of what our society says we’re supposed to look like in order to “look great”. Hello people, I did NOT look great last summer, I looked like I’d narrowly escaped Auschwitz 🙄.)

I’ve never struggled with the stereotypical body image issues, but since having health challenges I’ve struggled to value and appreciate my body when it doesn’t work the way I think it should. Many times in a flare, I catch myself thinking, “I HATE my body!” because it traps me in bed and keeps me from running winding hills through the woods or hiking a mountain with friends... and sometimes even from doing the simple daily-ness of laundry and dishes.

I’m learning to appreciate and care for my body with kindness. I’m learning to appreciate what my body CAN do, and how much more I truly experience when life has to be enjoyed at a slower pace. I’m learning how my body and soul work in concert, and how when I neglect one the other suffers.

The second picture was taken this summer. I’m not depressed. I’ve worked hard to address emotional baggage I’ve carried around my whole life. I’ve diligently taken all my herbs and supplements and eaten well. I’ve rested when I needed it. I’ve moved my body even if it’s nothing impressive. In this picture, I actually DO look good- not because I meet a cultural standard but because my body is well cared for and my soul is at rest. 

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