Notes to My Siblings

I'm a go-er and a do-er. I want to fix things. I want to solve problems. I want to get in the thick of it, come out bruised and bleeding, brush off and go back and do it again. But I've been benched from all the things I'd love to be doing. For now at least. For a long time, I moped on the sidelines (I occasionally still do). But the bench is not a waste. For instance, you know all those flowery Bible passages that we use to pretend to comfort ourselves and others when life sucks? Sometimes, in the dark places, they sound rote. Fake. Made up. (And sometimes grossly pulled out of context, but that's another topic) " 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 " For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to ...

11  “Take care lest you forget the Lord your God by not keeping his commandments and his rules and his statutes, which I command you today, 12  lest, when you have eaten and are full and have built good houses and live in them, 13  and when your herds and flocks multiply and your silver and gold is multiplied and all that you have is multiplied, 14  then your heart be lifted up, and you forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery, 15  who led you through the great and terrifying wilderness, with its fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty ground where there was no water, who brought you water out of the flinty rock, 16  who fed you in the wilderness with manna that your fathers did not know, that he might humble you and test you, to do you good in the end. 17  Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’ 18  You shall remember th...

I get jealous of people who get to GO and make disciples. Probably because I only hear the highlights and the "wow!" moments, I have this idea that it is the ultimate level of ministry. Somehow staying here in comfortable American just doesn't seem to be on the same spiritual level of going to a physically uncomfortable place and spending long hours on Bible translation or church planting. But as much as I want to GO, I can't get past the feeling that, for now, I have been called to STAY. In being called to stay, I'm saying that.... -I'm called to make Christ known everywhere I go, whether it's the bank, the grocery store, or the thrift store (actually, those are kind of the only places I do go... so... yeah). -I'm called to disciple those around me who do believe. -I'm called to care for the widows and orphans in my little world. -I'm called to give sacrificially . -I'm called to take risks by faith to bring people to Chris...

The first mistake we made was a church building. You see, by calling the four walls Christians often meet in a "church", we've lost something. We've lost the idea that we are the church. Not those four walls and a roof. By nominating the church to a building, we go to church. The second mistake we made was a set of activities that fill our Sunday mornings. By calling singing and preaching "church", we've lost something else. By following the same pattern most churches do, we do church. And we forget: we are the church. You. Me. Collectively, we are the church. "Church" isn't something outside of ourselves that we choose to associate with on certain days of the week. If you are a Christ follower, you are part of the body of Christ. You are a piece of the church. They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and ...

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I think I'm crippled by options. There are too many things that I could do or want to do, even when they're out of my comfort zone. But there I sit, day after day, in my comfort zone: a job that I know how to do but am not excited by. So many things that I think I want to do with my life can be broken down into a pros/cons set like the following: I could be a counselor. Pros: I like helping people. I like to see people grab on to a purpose. I have been told I give practical advice. Cons: My favorite phrase is "deal with it". A lot of other job fields can be broken down like that. They sounds interesting, and some parts of them I'd be good at, but others I'm not so sure about. So I give up on one idea, and move on to the next. And the next. And the next. And still I sit in my comfort zone: a job I know how to do, but am not challenged by. At some point, it has to stop. If I spend all my ti...

It was an ordinary Wednesday night at AWANA. All my little Sparkie boys were filing in, the usual banter and craziness that usually accompanies 1st and 2nd grade boys filling the room. Everything was normal, except one of my little guys seemed out of sorts. Usually happy and sweet, Tim* was sullen and cross. In the weeks that followed, his attitude continued, and some of the younger boys would complain that he hit them, or mouthed off at them, which was not characteristic of Tim. Eventually, I heard that his dad had left several weeks earlier- the same time his demeanor took a nose dive. I could google a bunch of statistics about fatherless homes and crime rates, repeated patterns, etc, but to some extent, I think we all realize that fatherlessness causes problems. Girls look for the love they should have had from their fathers in other men. Boys look for the guidance and attention their father should have given them in other men. I heard of a former gang member once who, after he ...

I think I realized the fundamental problem with my life. I generally begin statements with "I plan..." or "I will..." or "I won't..."  Notice a pattern?  " I ".  As long as "I" is the central part of my decision making process, I'm going to fail.  His power is made perfect when I am weak.  Which is now. Then I add qualifiers to those statements, especially when I'm talking to God: "I will.... if you would just.. ."  as if I can tell him that what I'm going to do that depends on him keeping a bargain he never agreed to. When I actually pay attention to the details of the biblical "heroes", I realize that they're not heroes at all.  They are humans with many, many faults.  Moses had a speech impediment, and God called him to be the spokesperson for the entire Israelite nation.  Gideon was a coward, and God chose him to lead an army.  How ever reluctantly it happened, they allowed God to work ...

Graduation is fast approaching.  I feel like Rapunzel in Tangled.... You know, the part where she's on her "I'm so happy...I'm a terrible daughter" roller coaster?  Yep, that's me.  I'm so excited about being done with homework, but then there's the thing of finding a for-real, permanent job... no more real summers. After spending four years studying one particular thing, I know *several* of us who are not super excited about our majors.  However, with the job market the way it is and the loans situation the way it is, we are all most likely not going to get our dream job.  After doing homework for core classes I really wasn't interested in for four years, I know how hard it is to do something well if you don't have a passion for it, or even a little bit of interest.  Knowing that we might not get jobs we naturally have a passion for right off the bat, we have to figure out how to make the most of our situations, and find meaning...