Skip to main content

I Planned.

I think I realized the fundamental problem with my life. I generally begin statements with "I plan..." or "I will..." or "I won't..."  Notice a pattern?  "I".  As long as "I" is the central part of my decision making process, I'm going to fail.  His power is made perfect when I am weak.  Which is now.

Then I add qualifiers to those statements, especially when I'm talking to God: "I will.... if you would just..."  as if I can tell him that what I'm going to do that depends on him keeping a bargain he never agreed to.

When I actually pay attention to the details of the biblical "heroes", I realize that they're not heroes at all.  They are humans with many, many faults.  Moses had a speech impediment, and God called him to be the spokesperson for the entire Israelite nation.  Gideon was a coward, and God chose him to lead an army.  How ever reluctantly it happened, they allowed God to work through them, and were just willing people.

I said I would never have anything to do with the art industry.  I majored in design.  I said I would never have children.  My ideal career is wife and mom.  I said I would never move back in with my parents.  I'm moving back in in two weeks.  I struggle to admit defeat.  And yet, I've done everything I can... and it hasn't worked.  Thus, I am defeated.  I am weak and willing.

God, use me and work through me.  No qualifiers.

{A great post about Surrender}
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Thing I Hate About School

It's consuming. Here we are, last day of classes with four days of finals to go, and I'm consumed with homework. I have no time for people. I HATE IT!!! I like people. I like being with people, doing things with people, talking with people, and sharing real life with people. When I'm spending hours on homework, people have to get skipped. You want to do something with me? Well, I have an opening between 4:37 and 4:52. Would that work for you? No? Ok, how about three weeks from next Tuesday at 12:57? Oh, you have class then? Well, you'll have to go on my waiting list. If a Marketing Plan cancels, I'll let you know. That's basically been my whole semester. As frustrating as it has been, I've learned from it. Not necessarily applied what I've learned, but I have learned. A family friend who works for Campus Crusade in Florida says it well in one of his blog posts: "Everybody has 168 hours each week... The schedule is in your hands. How will you use yo...
2 comments
Read more

The Still, Small Voice

Like any good human, I'm waiting for the earthquake that determines my next move in life. I'm waiting for the hurricane, or the volcano, or the atomic bomb. Something obvious that will tell me what to do. You're not being faithful in the little things. I was driving down the road on my way to work, whining to God about why I had to be doing this, why I couldn't move somewhere new, do something new, try something exciting. Then came the still small voice. You're not being faithful in the little things. And it was gone. It wasn't the flowery message we so often pass around of God has great things for you, just wait, it will come, it will be better than you could imagine... It was you're not being faithful . Ouch. Words never sting so much as when you know, no question, they're true. The time I waste. The half-hearted job I do on certain tasks. The avoiding of certain people. The fact I'm sitting here flipping between Facebook and ty...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Lamp to My Feet

"I'm so thankful for the Word of God that continues to, day by day, guide my steps and give me just enough light for the step I'm on." -Abby Hickey of Little Birdie Blessings I'm so thankful for my friend Abby and her encouragement. She has consistently texted me a scripture verse at least 4 times a week since last October. I can't begin to count the times when the verse she has sent has been exactly what I needed at the exact moment I needed it.  The day I was annoyed with EVERYONE on the road and EVERYONE that called in to work: "Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, and patience." Colossians 3:12b The day I was agonizing over decisions affecting the future: "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans." Proverbs 16:3 The day I was going have a second interview and would possibly have to make a decision and I had no idea what way to go: "Whether you turn to the right or th...
1 comment
Read more