Notes to My Siblings

I'm a go-er and a do-er. I want to fix things. I want to solve problems. I want to get in the thick of it, come out bruised and bleeding, brush off and go back and do it again. But I've been benched from all the things I'd love to be doing. For now at least. For a long time, I moped on the sidelines (I occasionally still do). But the bench is not a waste. For instance, you know all those flowery Bible passages that we use to pretend to comfort ourselves and others when life sucks? Sometimes, in the dark places, they sound rote. Fake. Made up. (And sometimes grossly pulled out of context, but that's another topic) " 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 " For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to ...

11  “Take care lest you forget the Lord your God by not keeping his commandments and his rules and his statutes, which I command you today, 12  lest, when you have eaten and are full and have built good houses and live in them, 13  and when your herds and flocks multiply and your silver and gold is multiplied and all that you have is multiplied, 14  then your heart be lifted up, and you forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery, 15  who led you through the great and terrifying wilderness, with its fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty ground where there was no water, who brought you water out of the flinty rock, 16  who fed you in the wilderness with manna that your fathers did not know, that he might humble you and test you, to do you good in the end. 17  Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’ 18  You shall remember th...

Like any good human, I'm waiting for the earthquake that determines my next move in life. I'm waiting for the hurricane, or the volcano, or the atomic bomb. Something obvious that will tell me what to do. You're not being faithful in the little things. I was driving down the road on my way to work, whining to God about why I had to be doing this, why I couldn't move somewhere new, do something new, try something exciting. Then came the still small voice. You're not being faithful in the little things. And it was gone. It wasn't the flowery message we so often pass around of God has great things for you, just wait, it will come, it will be better than you could imagine... It was you're not being faithful . Ouch. Words never sting so much as when you know, no question, they're true. The time I waste. The half-hearted job I do on certain tasks. The avoiding of certain people. The fact I'm sitting here flipping between Facebook and ty...

 Dear Church (family), If a few of my friends and I had a dollar for every time one of you tried to set us up, recommended where to go to meet people or told us what we should be doing if we wanted to have any hope of ever getting married, we'd be rich ladies. Please stop. First, you should know that most of us do desire to marry and have families.  And most of us want it a lot. But, you should also know that we aren't going to be interested in someone just because they might be "available".  We aren't desperate, because we aren't made complete in a man. We are made complete in Christ. Second, you should know that we don't want or need to be surrounded by people the same as us. Many of us would love to be part of your life, your kids' lives- and just as we are, not when we are to the same "life stage" as you. We want to learn from you- the widow, the business man, the happily married for 30 years, the recently single parent, the ...

In an effort to enlighten myself about what the heck I should do to not be considered a time-waster and unsuccessful person, I googled "list of successful people". Options for who I can grow up to be like include: -Oprah Winfrey. -Walt Disney. -RH Macy. -Charles Darwin. -Vincent Van Gogh. -Bill Gates. -Thomas Edison. -Emily Dickinson. -The Beatles. -Babe Ruth. I guess to be successful I need a platform, a small (or massive) fortune, business and tech smarts, "creativity" (if that's what you call cutting off your ear) and a killer batting average (at least, I think that's what Babe Ruth was famous for... or pitching arm? I dunno). Not that all those things are bad, but... So I moved on to thinking of who would be considered successful in God's eyes. Google was absolutely no help with this so I did it myself: -George Mueller. -Mary Slessor. -Gladys Aylward. -Hudson Taylor. -Nate Saint. - Ina York . -My mom. -Many, many other peopl...

God has been silent lately. Scratch that. I've been deaf lately. I've been thoroughly discontent with where I am in life, and have been (nearly frantically) searching for a new place, a new job, the next thing, a new adventure... anything, really, so long as it's different. I didn't have peace about where I am, but I also didn't have peace about anything that I looked into. And quite frankly, I didn't find much to actually look into if I wanted to like, eat and stuff. After several months of frustration and stress, I'm finally getting it. I'm supposed to be here for another indefinite amount of time. For what reason, I'm not sure yet. But I have peace. While I've been saying "HELLOOOOOO, GOD, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING? WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING TO ME? REMEMBER ME???", He's been saying "keep doing what you're doing". I just don't pay attention. Hint #1: Not finding anything that looked interesting or be...

I get jealous of people who get to GO and make disciples. Probably because I only hear the highlights and the "wow!" moments, I have this idea that it is the ultimate level of ministry. Somehow staying here in comfortable American just doesn't seem to be on the same spiritual level of going to a physically uncomfortable place and spending long hours on Bible translation or church planting. But as much as I want to GO, I can't get past the feeling that, for now, I have been called to STAY. In being called to stay, I'm saying that.... -I'm called to make Christ known everywhere I go, whether it's the bank, the grocery store, or the thrift store (actually, those are kind of the only places I do go... so... yeah). -I'm called to disciple those around me who do believe. -I'm called to care for the widows and orphans in my little world. -I'm called to give sacrificially . -I'm called to take risks by faith to bring people to Chris...

Pennies seem insignificant. I mean, would you toss a hundred dollar bill in a fountain? Heck no. But a penny? Well, what have you got to lose? Not much. Until you go to purchase a $1.01 pack of gum and realize you tossed the penny the fountain and made some dumb wish about having a million dollars. Suddenly, that little penny is very significant.  Unless your wish for a million dollars came true (which it won't), no penny = no gum. In a country of 5,797,000 people, Sierra Leone is "home" to 320,000 orphans. That means 5% of the country's population is made up of orphans. India has a population of 1,200,000,000 people. A moderate estimate of Indian nationals enslaved/in debt bondage/etc is about 50,000,000 people. That means that 4% of the population is in slavery. Then you go to the grocery store, or out to eat, or walk down the street and see people who are clearly hurting. When you start thinking in terms of numbers of hurting people- even the number we come a...

The first mistake we made was a church building. You see, by calling the four walls Christians often meet in a "church", we've lost something. We've lost the idea that we are the church. Not those four walls and a roof. By nominating the church to a building, we go to church. The second mistake we made was a set of activities that fill our Sunday mornings. By calling singing and preaching "church", we've lost something else. By following the same pattern most churches do, we do church. And we forget: we are the church. You. Me. Collectively, we are the church. "Church" isn't something outside of ourselves that we choose to associate with on certain days of the week. If you are a Christ follower, you are part of the body of Christ. You are a piece of the church. They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and ...

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I think I'm crippled by options. There are too many things that I could do or want to do, even when they're out of my comfort zone. But there I sit, day after day, in my comfort zone: a job that I know how to do but am not excited by. So many things that I think I want to do with my life can be broken down into a pros/cons set like the following: I could be a counselor. Pros: I like helping people. I like to see people grab on to a purpose. I have been told I give practical advice. Cons: My favorite phrase is "deal with it". A lot of other job fields can be broken down like that. They sounds interesting, and some parts of them I'd be good at, but others I'm not so sure about. So I give up on one idea, and move on to the next. And the next. And the next. And still I sit in my comfort zone: a job I know how to do, but am not challenged by. At some point, it has to stop. If I spend all my ti...

It was an ordinary Wednesday night at AWANA. All my little Sparkie boys were filing in, the usual banter and craziness that usually accompanies 1st and 2nd grade boys filling the room. Everything was normal, except one of my little guys seemed out of sorts. Usually happy and sweet, Tim* was sullen and cross. In the weeks that followed, his attitude continued, and some of the younger boys would complain that he hit them, or mouthed off at them, which was not characteristic of Tim. Eventually, I heard that his dad had left several weeks earlier- the same time his demeanor took a nose dive. I could google a bunch of statistics about fatherless homes and crime rates, repeated patterns, etc, but to some extent, I think we all realize that fatherlessness causes problems. Girls look for the love they should have had from their fathers in other men. Boys look for the guidance and attention their father should have given them in other men. I heard of a former gang member once who, after he ...

 If I truly lived to serve Christ with no regard for myself, today I would have... -Had a better conversation with the bank teller -Asked the elderly lady walking down the road in the cold dark if she needed a ride somewhere  Do we as a Christian culture train our kids improperly? Every time I see someone walking down the road, I don't see someone needing help, I see someone who is a potential danger to me. When the bank teller is grouchy, I am offended that they weren't more pleasant and conversive with me. Me. When is it time to stop focusing on the possible dangers of an action, and trust God for the possible encouragement and healing that could come from it? What things do we actually need to consider, and what to we use as an excuse to avoid doing something that's "inconvenient" to us?

I think I realized the fundamental problem with my life. I generally begin statements with "I plan..." or "I will..." or "I won't..."  Notice a pattern?  " I ".  As long as "I" is the central part of my decision making process, I'm going to fail.  His power is made perfect when I am weak.  Which is now. Then I add qualifiers to those statements, especially when I'm talking to God: "I will.... if you would just.. ."  as if I can tell him that what I'm going to do that depends on him keeping a bargain he never agreed to. When I actually pay attention to the details of the biblical "heroes", I realize that they're not heroes at all.  They are humans with many, many faults.  Moses had a speech impediment, and God called him to be the spokesperson for the entire Israelite nation.  Gideon was a coward, and God chose him to lead an army.  How ever reluctantly it happened, they allowed God to work ...

Graduation is fast approaching.  I feel like Rapunzel in Tangled.... You know, the part where she's on her "I'm so happy...I'm a terrible daughter" roller coaster?  Yep, that's me.  I'm so excited about being done with homework, but then there's the thing of finding a for-real, permanent job... no more real summers. After spending four years studying one particular thing, I know *several* of us who are not super excited about our majors.  However, with the job market the way it is and the loans situation the way it is, we are all most likely not going to get our dream job.  After doing homework for core classes I really wasn't interested in for four years, I know how hard it is to do something well if you don't have a passion for it, or even a little bit of interest.  Knowing that we might not get jobs we naturally have a passion for right off the bat, we have to figure out how to make the most of our situations, and find meaning...