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Dear Church // Sincerely, Single Me

 Dear Church (family),

If a few of my friends and I had a dollar for every time one of you tried to set us up, recommended where to go to meet people or told us what we should be doing if we wanted to have any hope of ever getting married, we'd be rich ladies.

Please stop.

First, you should know that most of us do desire to marry and have families.  And most of us want it a lot.
But, you should also know that we aren't going to be interested in someone just because they might be "available". 
We aren't desperate, because we aren't made complete in a man. We are made complete in Christ.

Second, you should know that we don't want or need to be surrounded by people the same as us.
Many of us would love to be part of your life, your kids' lives- and just as we are, not when we are to the same "life stage" as you. We want to learn from you- the widow, the business man, the happily married for 30 years, the recently single parent, the searching highschooler, the carefree toddler.
Let us be part of your life now, as we are. We want to learn from you.

Third, you should know that while we do want to marry some day, it's not all we think about or focus on (except you do make this one a little difficult when you keep bringing it up...)
Many of us want to serve the Lord now, as we are- but when you give us advice about the future that all hinges on us being married soon, it's discouraging. 
Don't encourage us to be on hold for a spouse- encourage us to chase God, whatever that might look like for us. Even if you don't like it.

Finally, you should know that it can be lonely, and because of that, we become susceptible to your hints to chase a man.
But really, we don't want to lose our focus on Christ because of a down day.
Encourage us with the things of God. Don't suggest online dating.

I can't speak for the hearts of other ladies, but for me, I want to live each day as a Christ follower. If, someday, that means I have a husband, great. But if it means I do life solely with Christ as my companion and helper, perhaps that's even better (that's in the Bible. Go look it up.). If we as the church gave as much time, thought and effort to seeking Christ as we do to getting people married off, well... let that little thought sink in for a minute.

When and if I meet my husband, I'll welcome that new life stage. But for now, let's just operate on the assumption that I'll always be single. Stop wasting my time and yours. Thanks.

Sincerely,
Single Me

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