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Still, Small Ways

When I first started having health challenges, one of the original challenges was severe claustrophobia and crowd anxiety. I mean, I used to be the girl who spoke practically no Spanish, flew to the Dominican in the middle of the night, cleared customs and took a taxi an hour ride to a missionary’s house by herself, no sweat. But when Lyme happened, if someone so much as got in line behind me at the grocery store, I had a panic attack because it was too crowded and I felt trapped. Sheesh. I went nowhere but work and home for a very long time.

I thought I was reasonably over my fear of the grocery store, but lately it’s circled back around to freak me out. Lines. Waiting. Crowds. Being at other people’s mercy. I get sick to my stomach just knowing I have to go. (I know, it’s dumb. But tell my body that because it says it’s a VERY REAL DANGER RUN RUN RUN 🙄.)

While trying to hype myself up to make the next grocery run, I realized... so far, I have not had to stand in more than a reasonable checkout line throughout this whole COVID thing. I’ve never had to wait to get in anywhere, and I’ve never been stuck in a crowd. I could attribute that to my great skills of picking the best time to go, but really, I think it just amounts to Jesus loves me and He knows I can’t deal.

I usually get so annoyed when people attribute every. little. thing. to God being so great, because so much of my adult life has been spent feeling like Martha, saying “Lord, if you had only been here, x wouldn’t have happened. Where the heck are You?” And the answer I get is no lines at the grocery store. Why the big things go seemingly unanswered I’ll never know, but for now I’ll hold on to all the little ways He lets me know He’s there. Like no lines at the grocery store.

What’s a still, small way God’s let you know He’s got you lately?

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