I think I realized the fundamental problem with my life. I generally begin statements with "I plan..." or "I will..." or "I won't..." Notice a pattern? " I ". As long as "I" is the central part of my decision making process, I'm going to fail. His power is made perfect when I am weak. Which is now. Then I add qualifiers to those statements, especially when I'm talking to God: "I will.... if you would just.. ." as if I can tell him that what I'm going to do that depends on him keeping a bargain he never agreed to. When I actually pay attention to the details of the biblical "heroes", I realize that they're not heroes at all. They are humans with many, many faults. Moses had a speech impediment, and God called him to be the spokesperson for the entire Israelite nation. Gideon was a coward, and God chose him to lead an army. How ever reluctantly it happened, they allowed God to work