Skip to main content

ABUNDANCE.

"...out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks."

I often neglect my heart. I work hard to make sure what comes out of me is right and acceptable, and I catch myself feeling frustrated when I make the same harsh comments or think the same bad thoughts over and over again. And so I try harder to modify my behavior and "do better". And I fail.

I'm trying to catch myself when I start slapping my own hand for slipping up and instead trying to notice what I'm feeling. Therapy is teaching me to trace my feelings back to my secret places and ask why I'm feeling that way. Jesus is teaching me to bring the deep hurts and pains at the roots of those feelings to him and let him carry them for me.

Giving up hurts is hard. Changing ingrained beliefs and behaviors seems nearly impossible sometimes. But I'm slowly learning that when I do give Jesus my hurt and pain, my insides feel lighter and brighter. And my words and actions follow, and they become life-giving instead of life-draining.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Note About My Siblings

The Original Siblings These are the "siblings". With the last three of the bunch graduating high school this year, I think it's an appropriate time to introduce them. On the left is Liz. An accounting major, she provides the common sense in the bunch. And thanks to her love of musicals, we all are a little more cultured. Next is Aaron. If you're ever in a jam, he'll be the first to help you out. And he'll make you laugh very hard in the process. Then Steph. Whether you've known her for 10 minutes or 10 years, she'll make you feel like an old friend. And she's often responsible for the-- never mind. It's classified. And Nick. Nick can hack your database or take a perfectly composed picture of a sunrise, depending on the day. And he's also got car ride composition covered. Abby. You'll know Abby's been there by the trail of little children tagging along after her. And she keeps us classy in word and deed. Finally Mica...
2 comments
Read more

Is Caution My Excuse for Convenience?

 If I truly lived to serve Christ with no regard for myself, today I would have... -Had a better conversation with the bank teller -Asked the elderly lady walking down the road in the cold dark if she needed a ride somewhere  Do we as a Christian culture train our kids improperly? Every time I see someone walking down the road, I don't see someone needing help, I see someone who is a potential danger to me. When the bank teller is grouchy, I am offended that they weren't more pleasant and conversive with me. Me. When is it time to stop focusing on the possible dangers of an action, and trust God for the possible encouragement and healing that could come from it? What things do we actually need to consider, and what to we use as an excuse to avoid doing something that's "inconvenient" to us?
1 comment
Read more

I Planned.

I think I realized the fundamental problem with my life. I generally begin statements with "I plan..." or "I will..." or "I won't..."  Notice a pattern?  " I ".  As long as "I" is the central part of my decision making process, I'm going to fail.  His power is made perfect when I am weak.  Which is now. Then I add qualifiers to those statements, especially when I'm talking to God: "I will.... if you would just.. ."  as if I can tell him that what I'm going to do that depends on him keeping a bargain he never agreed to. When I actually pay attention to the details of the biblical "heroes", I realize that they're not heroes at all.  They are humans with many, many faults.  Moses had a speech impediment, and God called him to be the spokesperson for the entire Israelite nation.  Gideon was a coward, and God chose him to lead an army.  How ever reluctantly it happened, they allowed God to work ...
1 comment
Read more