Skip to main content

INVISIBLE

“Look, I spent the weekend crafting fun Christmas decorations! How was your weekend?”

*Well, I spent the weekend listening to a friend’s cries of grief as she walks through the deep losses of chronic pain. Each of my family members are facing huge trials and I currently can’t live in my house because it makes me severely ill and we don’t know what we are going to do. I spent the weekend numb and tired and I’m getting sick which for my body means I’ll probably be knocked out for a while.*

“It was busy but fine.”

It’s been months since I had that interaction, but it stuck with me because our standard protocol for greeting and conversation doesn’t do life justice. We don’t actually get to SEE each other when we summarize things, and so often BOTH our joys and sorrows remain invisible.

If something is great we are hesitant to be too enthusiastic for fear of offending people. If something is hard we are hesitant to be too honest for fear of being Johnny Raincloud.

It’s easy for me to get bull-seeing-red angry with people who make ignorant comments about things I or one of my family members are dealing with. People who don’t even know what hard is shouldn’t be allowed to comment, I think. Then the small voice whispers, “...you used to make comments like that.” Yes, yes I did used to make stupid, ignorant comments about trauma and invisible illness and mental health and cancer. Until I had personal experience.

I want to be a safe person for people to make their invisible pain visible to, whether or not I have walked a similar road. People who have made me feel safe to show the real me to first and foremost listen, and then they react accordingly- rejoice if I’m rejoicing or mourn it I’m mourning. They don’t compare, start talking about themselves or offer ignorant advice.

I have a ways to go, but when I grow up I want to be a safe person who truly sees people.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Note About My Siblings

The Original Siblings These are the "siblings". With the last three of the bunch graduating high school this year, I think it's an appropriate time to introduce them. On the left is Liz. An accounting major, she provides the common sense in the bunch. And thanks to her love of musicals, we all are a little more cultured. Next is Aaron. If you're ever in a jam, he'll be the first to help you out. And he'll make you laugh very hard in the process. Then Steph. Whether you've known her for 10 minutes or 10 years, she'll make you feel like an old friend. And she's often responsible for the-- never mind. It's classified. And Nick. Nick can hack your database or take a perfectly composed picture of a sunrise, depending on the day. And he's also got car ride composition covered. Abby. You'll know Abby's been there by the trail of little children tagging along after her. And she keeps us classy in word and deed. Finally Mica...
2 comments
Read more

Is Caution My Excuse for Convenience?

 If I truly lived to serve Christ with no regard for myself, today I would have... -Had a better conversation with the bank teller -Asked the elderly lady walking down the road in the cold dark if she needed a ride somewhere  Do we as a Christian culture train our kids improperly? Every time I see someone walking down the road, I don't see someone needing help, I see someone who is a potential danger to me. When the bank teller is grouchy, I am offended that they weren't more pleasant and conversive with me. Me. When is it time to stop focusing on the possible dangers of an action, and trust God for the possible encouragement and healing that could come from it? What things do we actually need to consider, and what to we use as an excuse to avoid doing something that's "inconvenient" to us?
1 comment
Read more

I Planned.

I think I realized the fundamental problem with my life. I generally begin statements with "I plan..." or "I will..." or "I won't..."  Notice a pattern?  " I ".  As long as "I" is the central part of my decision making process, I'm going to fail.  His power is made perfect when I am weak.  Which is now. Then I add qualifiers to those statements, especially when I'm talking to God: "I will.... if you would just.. ."  as if I can tell him that what I'm going to do that depends on him keeping a bargain he never agreed to. When I actually pay attention to the details of the biblical "heroes", I realize that they're not heroes at all.  They are humans with many, many faults.  Moses had a speech impediment, and God called him to be the spokesperson for the entire Israelite nation.  Gideon was a coward, and God chose him to lead an army.  How ever reluctantly it happened, they allowed God to work ...
1 comment
Read more